have you ever considered not trying to be an idiot? Dismissing someone elses idea or thoughts with these words is hurtful and offensive. I 'd never roast plastic it's bad for the environment, Yo mama so hairy, when she went to the store, they said ``no pets allowed``, if I picked you up and dropped you the whole earth would cave in on its selfd, your existence is the reason cover 19 exists, if you became a manager of a store not even a Karen would speak to you. You may stop farting now. Cultural references to movies and TV shows can be extra hilarious ways to respond when someone doesnt text back. I do when I enter, you do when you leave. I am simply giving you time to reflect on what an idiot you are being. If you feel manic or you feel depressed on a particular day, its okay to acknowledge that. Additionally, he loves to write zany fiction stories and take care of his pet frog. The series of mental backflips I had to do to try and understand your point should have broken my neck. Roses r red, violets r blue, a face like yours belongs in a zoo. You seem to have a lot on your mind a lot of bullshit. Usually my rule is 3 strikes and youre out, but you were out of my mind as soon as you started spewing your bullshit. This is a lose-lose situation for me. Happy Independence Day! The Arabic language can be extremely colorful and lively, which has led to some beautiful poetry, novels, and storytelling.But with the growth of elegant literature comes the rise of a much-loved and hilarious area of swear words and phrases. Its likely that theres something going on with that person that hasnt yet been addressed. This is an A and B conversation so C your way out of it! Toxic (song): "Toxic" is a song recorded by American singer Britney Spears, for her fourth studio album In the Zone (2003). Your crazy is showing. How many licks until I get to the interesting part of this conversation? I'm not a proctologist, but I know an asshole when I see one. Maybe youll find your brain back there. If genius skips a generation, your children will be brilliant. Well, you smell like hot dog water. Im trying to imagine you with personality. Its a real, diagnosable mental health disorder, and those who live with it arent just bipolar on certain days. Best friends eat your lunch. I dont care if you feel like youve earned the right to use that word as a playful tease. The 0.01% of germs are afraid of contracting stupidity from you. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? IT SPEAKS! When karma comes back to punch you in the face, I want to be there in case it needs help. Just dont confuse it with being bipolar. The only person falling for you is blind. I hope your next blowjob is from a shark. Make your friends bust out laughing with one of these clever things to write on a card: Valentines is the perfect opportunity to express your love to your significant other or write a funny card to your fellow singles. They say our brains dont stop developing until we reach 25; looks like yours stopped a bit early. It shouldnt be hard to realize this since no one wants to be told their ideas are dumb., This word had an even stronger negative connotation than dumb.. I actually liked that one though. Where can you buy chicken broth in bulk? Send someone a text of a lottery ticket and tell them you just won $1,000,000. You should really come with a warning label. Good job. Hey, I lost my phone, can you call it for me? Noah wrote Allie 365 letters, so I think you can text me back. Youre one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without the Facebook reminder. Ive never had many life goals. If someone never fails, it probably means theyre not doing enough. Youre the corner piece to an unsolvable puzzle: everyone looks right past you. No one is defined by their failures, however impressive they might be. Its your chance to pounce. And they will carry on with this terrible behavior even when they're the ones in the wrong. Ill know youre my best friend if you immediately delete my internet history after I die. Go back to Party City, where you belong! Phi Phi OHara. The hardest pill to swallow is knowing nothing is as lethal as your personality. borrded the titanic she sunk it, Donald Trump is smarter than you he has a IQ of 2 You have a IQ of -200,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 and so on. This question basically means, How are you so ignorant? It attacks the other person for not knowing as much about a particular thing as we do. This TikToker is a genius for engagement! Why can't you just do it my way?" I should never have lowered my standards for you. Youre not pretty enough to have such an ugly personality. Did I hurt your ego? Hey, I found your nose, its in my business again! Id spell it out for you, but thats assuming you know your ABCs. They host a movie night every . "I think probably the most toxic thing a parent can say to a child is any form of, 'Nobody will ever love you as much as I do,' or 'I . Need some hilarious things to say via text or IRL? Id smack you, but that would be animal abuse. I have a present for you. Are you from Tennessee? People clap when they see you. Once youve been on the receiving end, you have a better understanding of how powerful words can be both to build people up and to tear them down.. And may your thoughtfulness and compassion influence everything you do today. Two wrongs dont make a right. Forget about the presentI didnt get you one! What do boyfriends and mascara have in common? Your so dumb i bet before you watched IT you thought Pennywise was an atm. Its the sound of me not caring. For your B-day, I wanted to give you something that was funny and charming, but then I remembered you already have me in your life. The stock market. I cant think of anything to celebrate on your birthday except you being closer to death. Say unexpected or random comments with a humorous tone. Either way, if you like this. Too many have used this expression to invalidate the feelings of others by implying that the triggered one is overreacting to a prank or offensive remark. Dont worry, the first 40 years of childhood are always the hardest. You dont understand when you arent wanted. We were happily married for one month, but unfortunately weve been married for 10 years. Here, take these $1,000,000 bucks! One says to the other: Do these genes make me look fat?. Id tell you to blow your brains out, but Im pretty certain theres nothing there. My apologies, how silly of me. Real friends pick us up when were down. 30. Excuse my naivety I was born at a very early age. Nothing, they just waved. But Ill keep trying. Like my dog. The words mentally retarded were once commonly used to refer to people with a below-average IQ, either because of a congenital condition like Down Syndrome or because of a brain injury. Youre not simply a drama queen. I'm busy; you're ugly. Dont delay. "Oh, are you triggered?" 31. Youre the type of person that uses their 3. Thank you for calling! Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons? "A toxic relationship is a dynamic between two or . #6: "Sorry You Feel that Way. Aww, dont worry, you are wantedwanted for several accounts of perjury. Not when you are around, but once you leave. Your mom has so many warts in her face that it spells "ugly" in brail. You are proof that evolution can go in reverse. Row, row, row your boat gently down a raging fucking waterfall. Any fan of the game will find these memes hilarious and relatable . Two strands of DNA are walking down the street. Do yourself a favor and ignore anyone who tells you to be yourself. No wonder your mom has such a big mouth, you have one the size of a whole house. CRY YOURSELF A RIVER, BUILD A BRIDGE AND GET OVER IT!!! Youre the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo. I find the fact that youve lived this long both surprising and disappointing. But, still. You look so good. At the same time, unexpected or random jokes can make you more memorable. Good job. Introverted does not mean antisocial. Youre enough of an asshat as it is. You could bedumbass partners in crime? Are all your friends this stupid as well? Impersonating Beyonc is not your destiny, child. RuPaul. If youre feeling bloated, gassy, or just overly full, you can just say that. You hit the nail right on the head. If you were a vegetable, youd be a cutecumber. I look ugly? Sending a bunch of texts in a row can be a sign of neediness. I would say my heart, but its just not as big. Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry. Patience is a virtue, but I dont want to wait. You are the architect of your life. Everyone makes mistakes. I'm as useful as a white crayon on black paper. Those born with dwarfism or with any condition that limits their physical stature do not, as a rule, choose to be called midgets.. I bet your face would melt if I put a candle to it, because all it is, is plastic! The truth will set you free. I know players in this game can be really toxic at times but that was definitely . Too bad you cant photoshop your ugly personality, It looks like your hair made friends with the dust bunnies under my bed, Your parents got a great job offer at the disappointment club, Ur so fat even dora couldnt explore what was around u, Good Comebacks, Roasts, & Burns: Best 99+ You Need To Know, 139 Best Funny Pick Up Lines To Make Her Laugh & Blush, 179 Steven Spielberg Quotes That Will Inspire You, 15 Funny Insulting Names To Call Your Friends & More To Know, 35 Funny Spongebob Roasts, Quotes, And Jokes, list of really funny comebacks, insults, and burns, funny Spongebob roasts, quotes, and jokes. Toxic shock syndrome: Toxic shock syndrome (TSS) is a condition caused by bacterial toxins. Youre the whole royal family. thesaurus. Ill never forget the first time we met. Love you! Sometimes, though, we use offensive words without even realizing it. I wanted you to know its not my birthday yet, my birthday is [ ]. If you want more good roast lines and other awesome stuff, check out 35 funny Spongebob roasts, quotes, and jokes.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_7',199,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0'); Im sure youre gonna like these roasting lines because theyre brutal yet witty.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_11',618,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2-0'); These are the most brutal roasts youll ever find. 1. A glowstick has a brighter future than you. I recently started investing heavily in penny stocks. I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see you already have one. You bring everyone so much joy! I just lost my grandfather. 2. Im just smarter than you. You have a face only a mother could love. Im on a seafood diet. Your absence would affect me greatly. By Kuldeep Thapa. He has offered his skills to the fields of marketing, healthcare, and gaming, to name a few. You have so many gaps in your teeth it looks like your tongue is in jail. Try this: Call your friend and let them know you cant talk right now. Try this: When you shake someones hand, jokingly say, Im so glad you had the privilege of meeting me. Ultimately, if your expectations dont match theirs, theyll only act as a barrier. Here are 140 funny things to say in any situation. Just for innocent fun, user @emmaj_mason prompted others to share the most toxic things women can say to men, and wow, did they deliver. So, we say something to put them in their place.. Youre the type of person who cant read the room. Good luck. Because thats how I feel right now. If you ever cross my mind, Ill make sure its a busy intersection. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. Do you often run out of things to say or feel awkward and self-conscious in social situations? It takes me a lot of effort to smile when youre around. If you were an inanimate object, youd be a participation trophy. You fear success, but you really have nothing to worry about. You have miles to go before you reach mediocre. Some of the people who use these expressions seem to think theyre doing others a favor by letting them know how theyre falling short. An old teacher asked her student: If I say I am beautiful, which tense is that? The student replied: Its obviously past. If you like the, A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. Im so glad we have brown cows, otherwise, there wouldnt be any chocolate milk. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. 4. You look so pretty. Youre the reason I prefer animals to people. If I wanted to hear from an asshole, Id fart. No, no. Dont worry about me. When you disappear, its a beautiful day. I've never heard that particular insult before. . Your talking to me? It sounds uncaring. Isnt it dangerous to use your whole vocabulary in one sentence? How awful. Where are you hiding your imperfections? I do when I enter, you do when you leave. Write a pop song about my love for Marmite. And while men generally build bulky muscle more readily than women, the testosterone responsible for that doesnt make them stronger where it really counts. I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and poop out a smarter statement than whatever you just said. 90% of your beauty could be removed with a Kleenex. 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Alright, let's be real for a minute. It's become widespread enough that the New York City Board of Education banned ChatGPT. I need your name, birthday, address, and social security number to send you your prize. I consider you something a vulture would eat. "You're not funny. I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral. Not everyone is a natural-born comedian, but that doesnt mean you cant add a splash of humor and fun to your conversations. Group assignments make me understand why Batman works alone. I dont want to rain on your parade. I decided to just say say, "Hey man, sorry had a rough week. 5. A quirky joking message a few hours later can lighten the mood and remind them that they never responded. A sense of humor is being able to laugh at something that would actually make you mad if it happened to you.